If Only
by DeliciouslyAddicted
Summary: Dreams never come true and Lucy knew that a little too well.


**Back when...**

**{****_If the dream is unreachable, you're not dreaming high enough_****. }**

I laughed as he fell into the water once again. I didn't want to see him fall again because after the first 20 times, you get tired. I walked over to the punch table and examined the festival. I wanted to be here even though I knew what was sitting in the other room. That's why we're here in the first place. Natsu sloshed over to the punch table with soaking wet clothes and damp hair. I handed him a drink. He scowled at it.

"I think I have had enough water." He sat down. I giggled lightly. The sound he made when he sat down was funny.

"Lucy." Natsu said. I turned over to him and he gave me chills with the look on his face. It was….serious.

"Yes?" He placed a hand on my shoulder and looked directly into my eyes. My smile dropped.

"I-" He pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back and he kissed me right then and there. This is the part where I woke up from my dream. I groaned and got out of bed finally. My bags under my eyes were huge. I haven't gotten any sleep in a while. I don't sleep, for I know what comes when I do. Natsu. Natsu. Natsu.

"Why? I just….I don't want him like that." I mumbled to myself. I slipped out of my pajamas and wore the usual. A skirt and a cute top. I put my hair in pigtails and wrapped them in bows. Today, my color was green. I mad some breakfast and ate it slowly. I don't want to face Natsu. With these dreams, all I want to do is be with Natsu. He's tattooed across my heart. I don't really mind. He's a sweet guy. I'm afraid, though, that I'll become crazy for him if I'm around him too long. I grabbed my Keys and my purse and shuffled through the door.

"Be careful, Lucy!" the men in the boat called out to me. I rose my hand so they know I heard them. I slowly walked into the Guild Hall.

"Finally! We thought you weren't going to come in today!" One of the members told me. I nodded and continued to walk to the bar. I wanted to make as little human interaction as possible. I collapsed into a chair. Mira got me a strawberry smoothie; it's what I normally get.

"Luce?" Natsu asked. I groaned and buried my head in my arms. If I see his face…something…will happen. I don't know exactly what but it was going to embarrass me. He poked my back. I flinched. He poked my back again. I moaned and slowly moved to meet his gaze. He was looking at me like I had gone mad. I closed my eyes and reopened them to see Natsu millimeters away from my face. I yelped and shot out of my seat. I wasn't avoiding him. I was simply trying to save our friendship. I sat down at the farthest table away from the bar. I sighed and felt like…I don't know. I felt empty. Like I would never have the chance with Natsu. I wish it would come true like my dreams. But that's all they'll ever be. Dreams. Maybe he likes me back. I thought. You're stupid to think that he does. I felt a nudge on my arm. I lifted my head and saw Gray looking down at me.

"What's wrong?" Gray asked. I shook my head.

"What do you mean? I'm fine." I said unconvincingly. He gave me a look.

"You look like you haven't slept in days. Lucy, what's bothering you?" Gray asked again. He took a seat in front of me. I moaned. I dropped my head and just rested my head on the table.

"My dreams." I said. There was a long pause.

"What about?" I could tell he was uncomfortable. I don't think he actually helped someone through their problems before.

"Things." I said. He sighed in exasperation.

"I'm trying to help-"

"I can tell." I said. He tapped my arm and lifted my chin.

"You can tell me."

"No. I can't." I said. I looked at him seriously. He stared at me. I stared at him.

"Fine." I gave in. I don't think I can hold my secret in any longer. So you tell Gray? Out of, basically, the whole guild? I brushed off that thought.

"I'm having dreams about…someone…and I feel like if I get too close to them, I'll ruin my friendship with them." I said carefully. I glanced at Gray and his face was pale. He thought it was him.

"It's n-not y-you!" I said, not too comforting. I think he was trying to believe me but he was still thinking it was him.

"I-It's Natsu. It's Natsu." He relaxed immediately then tensed again.

"You like Natsu?" He asked. I shook my head.

"I think my mind does but I'm just not sure-Natsu!" Natsu was walking over. Crap. Crap. Crap. I quickly slid to the very end of the booth where it met the wall. I scrunched up into a ball and wrapped my arms around my legs. I hid my face.

"You okay, Luce?" Natsu asked. I said nothing. I didn't trust myself. I only focused on my breathing.

"Um….HEY! HOTHEAD!" Natsu stared at me for a little longer then turned and glared at Gray.

"What, Stripper?!" He shouted.

"QUIT BREATHING MY AIR! I CAME OVER HERE TO STOP BREATHING YOUR STINKIN' DRAGON BREATH!" Gray stood up and towered over Natsu. Arigatou, Gray. I thought. I slipped away and walked over to Levy's table. Then I quickly turned away because she was making googly eyes at Gajeel. I ended up going to the second floor and examining the S-class jobs. The S-class jobs are very challenging.

"That's why they're S-class." I said to myself. I walked over to the other jobs and I ran my fingers along the the flyers and randomly picked one.

"4000J, eh? Oh, well, I don't think that Natsu and the others would mind if I went by myself." I clutched the flyer and walked down the steps. I hid my face from the guild members and walked out of the Guild Hall. I started walking to the train station. This mission took place on the other side of Fiore. It's not that hard of a job. I'm only clearing a few monsters away from a town. I shrugged and walked on. I reached the train station in about 10 minutes. I boarded the train, after getting my ticket, when I heard someone call after me.

"Lucy!" They shouted. I turned around and gasped slightly. It was Natsu. He had followed me here.

"Natsu!" I got off the train and checked the time. I have a few minutes. I ran over to him and stared at the ground. He placed a hand on my shoulder. I tensed.

"Where are you going? You weren't going to tell me?" He said. I gulped and said nothing.

"Luce?" He bent down and met my gaze. I turned away from him, towards the train.

"I thought that I could go on a job..." I trailed off. He shook his head.

"What happened to being a team?" I shrugged.

"Luce. I'm going with you." He said. He boarded the train and immediately jumped off.

"I'm not riding a train there." He said. I walked to the train.

"Well I am." He looked hurt. I looked away and took my purse and I boarded the train once again. I stared out of my window and saw Natsu staring straight at me. A tear slipped down my face. He pressed his hand against the window. I looked away, not trusting myself. I felt the train starting up. I sighed and stared down at my hands. I played with my fingernails, wishing that I could just reject this mission without Natsu. I couldn't though.

"Luce? Is anyone sitting here?" Natsu said. I gasped and pushed him away from me. He was burning hot. I cried and got up and kept pushing him. I pushed him until I had shoved him out of the train.

"Lucy!" The wind blew my hair as the train rode away from Magnolia. I cried. The tears flew towards Natsu. I grabbed the side of the train door. My knuckles were white. I kept looking out until Natsu was a tiny speck in the distance. My throat felt like I had swallowed fire. Fire. Natsu. I walked away from the door and sat down.

"Ticket please." said a voice above me. I handed him my ticket and he punched and handed it back to me. I swallowed my pain and couldn't bring myself to look out of the window that Natsu had touched.

***

"Thank you, miss! Please stay awhile in our gratitude." The mayor said. I shook my head. His smile faltered.

"I have to go back home, but I'm glad that I could help such a lovely town out." I plastered a fake smile on my face. I waved and walked away. I'm going to walk this time. But it's so far away. Anything to stay away from Natsu.

"Do you need a ride?" Someone asked from above me. It was a cargo car. I nodded sheepishly.

"I can only bring you to Magnolia...Is that okay?" He asked. I nodded.

"That's perfect." I hopped onto the car and sat in front. He smiled and he drove forward. He seemed nice. He was in his sixties by the look of it. I fell asleep.

***

"Miss? We're here." The man said. I woke up and smiled small. I looked over at him. He was smiling grandly.

"I never got your name, sir." I said. He took my hand and shook it.

"I'm Hiro Mashima. I know you are the famous Lucy of Fairy Tail." I blushed.  
"Thanks for driving me. You are truly amazing." I said stepping off the car.

"Glad I could help. Have a good day, Lucy." he said. I nodded.

"You as well." I said he drove off and I sighed. I walked home to find Natsu staring out my window. He looked sad.

"N-Natsu?" I asked. He shot over to me and pulled me into a hug. I blushed and stood there awkwardly. He quickly pulled away.

"H-How did your mission go?" He asked. I blushed and looked down at his feet. I nodded.

"I-It went well." I said. he lifted my chin.

"I missed you." He said. There were bags under his eyes to prove it. I gasped. I looked down at his stomach and it was skinnier than usual.

"Natsu! Did you eat or sleep at all?" I exclaimed. He shook his head.

"Forgot." He said. I shook my head.

"I was only gone for four days!" I said. I ran into the kitchen and made everything I had.

"Eat." I commanded him and he half smiled.

"I'm happy to have you back, Luce." He said. I blushed. He ate everything and I sat down in relief.

"Go to sleep, Luce." He said. He led me to the bed and I fell asleep as soon as I covered myself with blankets.

****

I woke up to Natsu snuggling beside me in bed. I yelped and I jumped out of bed. I had another dream about him. He had died. I walked back to the bed. I rested my knees on my bed. I shook him and he woke up smiling.

"Morning Luce-" He sat up and I kissed his lips. He stared at me with wide eyes. I kissed him a little while longer. I got up and he stared at me, blushing deeply.

"Natsu...I've decided that I can't stay here." I said. He gasped and struggled to get out of bed. The blankets caught onto his feet. By the time he managed to get out of bed, I had grabbed my suitcases that I had packed last night while he was still asleep and walked out the door. I made sure to open my umbrella and I took small steps in the rain then they quickened as I got closer to the train station. I had my ticket and got on right when the train started to move. Natsu was standing in the rain, trying to run with the train. The train blew its horn and I called after him.

"I've always loved you Natsu! Don't you forget that!" I shouted over the train and the rain. he screamed out and it hurt my heart.

"Luccyyyyyyy...!" His voice trailed off. A tear made its way down my face. I sighed and walked into the train. And I knew as I walked to the train seat, that I would never see Natsu Dragneel ever again. I sat down and there was a message on my window.

If only... is what it said. And to this day, I've only wondered that same question...


End file.
